This Blog Entry is for Noah

Noah, Andrew told me you wanted me to write more about my book. I'm sorry, but what I've posted so far is pretty much all I can say at the moment. My book will be an in-depth analysis of the contemporary relationship between the LDS Church and the gay community (especially as it has played out in Utah). My entire first chapter is pretty much completely written, and a good portion of my second chapter is written as well. I am about halfway done with my interviews for the project. I am getting the stories of about twenty gay, lesbian, and bi former Mormons. I ask them questions about their youth, families, and church and school experiences. I can tell you that I talk about a lot of issues of the present and past that are relevant to this overall story, including Prop 8 and the trial and various other incidents that have sparked some fire between gays and Mormons. I am finding it absolutely fascinating and I really really hope that when I am done writing it in a few months, I will be able to find a publisher. If anyone has any connections to book publishers, please let me know.

I can acknowledge that, like any writer, I have an obvious bias in my writing. It will be clear from my writing that I am more critical of the things Mormons and their church have done than I am of actions the gay community has taken. It will be clear that in my opinion, in order to reach a peaceful resolution to the events of the last several years, the impetus for change must be on the LDS Church, rather than on LGBT Mormons. But I do try to give the LDS Church a fair and objective display. I don't distort facts or intentionally paint the church in a negative light. I ask a lot of questions and allow the reader to come to their own conclusions.

I'm afraid that is as detailed as I can get without giving away some key secrets about my book that no one will know--not even Andrew--until it is published. Besides, you wouldn't want me to spoil it for you. I'm sure you will buy it and read it and treasure it forever...

Blahhhg

Now that I (finally) have a blog, I'm finding I don't have very much to blog about. I have to invent things to talk about.

I was thinking about the reason I watch Star Trek episodes over and over again and I think today, I finally figured it out. While I love the premise of Star Trek: a future reality in which prejudice, discrimination, poverty, disease, and warfare are things of the past, at least between humans, it's not that that keeps me coming back for more. When it comes right down to it, I think that Star Trek is just plain the best storytelling I've ever encountered. They tell really damned good stories. Of course, over six series and eleven movies it gets a little repetitive from time to time, but I don't mind.

I've been working like mad on my interviews for my book and my book itself. I've done eight interviews in five days. I need to do about twelve more interviews I think. I'm hopeful I won't have much trouble finding the number of people I need to do them. It's very exciting, writing a book, and writing about other people's lives. It's kind of cool. I feel empowered in a way. And very responsible to, to try to do justice to these people's stories.

Watering Flowers

Because I decided to write (another) real poem. I really need to knock it off and write my book. Oh well, this is fun:

Watering Flowers

In her garden she waters her flowers.
Refreshing mist from the hose on a searing day.
In the hot summer sun, a cooling shower.

Out in the heat for more than an hour,
I catch from the nozzle an occasional spray
while in her garden, she waters her flowers.

She knows very well of the power
she wields. Without water, there is only decay
in the hot summer sun. A cooling shower.

Mouth drying, in the shade I cower.
On the patio, in a swing I lay,
while in her garden, she waters her flowers.

Wishing I was in the forest, covered by bower,
I run in the grass, choosing to play.
In the hot summer sun, a cooling shower.

A gallon of water I am ready to devour,
Until tomorrow we retreat inside without delay.
In her garden she waters her flowers.
In the hot summer sun, a cooling shower.

-Sean Paul

Starlit Sky

Because I felt like writing a real poem. I came up with the idea and the first line in the shower this morning:

Starlit Sky

You can’t see the starlit sky in the city.
Go out in the wilderness away from the lights
And you will never see something quite so pretty.

Like sandpaper, dotting the sky so gritty,
Specks of stars against a black matte so white.
You can’t see the starlit sky in the city.

So bright in the suburbs; such a pity,
Itself is rather a startling sight.
And you’ll never see something quite so pretty.

Patterns of light, themselves almost witty,
From forever away in concert ignite.
You can’t see the starlit sky in the city.

Drive away and bet the entire kitty
That the reward will be marvelously bright.
And you will never see something quite so pretty.

While city-dwellers debate in endless committee,
You may escape into endless dark night.
Because you can’t see starlit skies in the city,
You will never see something quite so pretty.

-Sean Paul

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

I worked two eight hour days back to back. That is way too much for someone as ADD as me. Especially when it was the most BORING two days evar!!! School registration. Never ever do it ever ever. It is sooooooooo boring.

So the whole early afternoon at work I spent glued to my phone, waiting for the decision about lifting the stay on Prop 8. When I finally got the news that it had been lifted, I literally screamed, "YES!!!" People around me were a little confused for a few minutes. Oh well, I am just happy it was lifted.

If the lift holds and a higher court does not overturn it, Andrew and I are probably going to go get married on September 2nd, our anniversary. Wouldn't that just be kick-ass? I think so. Can't wait. Long day. Ciao.

My Book

So for those of you who don't know, I'm writing a book. Its exact content is so far top secret, but the basic premise of the book is to examine the contemporary relationship between the LDS Church and the gay community. As part of my book, I am interviewing gay youth who are former LDS Church members. I am knee deep in my research process and I am having an amazing reaction to the feelers I have put out for finding research participants. All the people I have contacted (with the exception of like two who haven't yet responded) seem to be very excited to be a part of the research. I am doing my first interviews this week and I can't wait to see how they go. I am having so much fun with this project so far. I have already started writing the first chapter of the book, too, and in one day I have written about one fifth of the amount of words that were in my Senior Honors Thesis. That's how I know that I am much more excited about this book (probably because it was my idea) than I was about the extended thesis (even though I did enjoy writing that, too). I will keep updating about the book project as it unfolds.

A poem inspired by my summer vacation...

Just don't ask...

$50 Fine

On vacation this summer,
I had to toe the line,
If I did not want to get
A $50 fine.

When I got to my condo,
I didn't see the sign.
I backed into a parking space.
$50 fine.

I went to the ocean
To see the sun shine.
I got my key card wet.
$50 fine.

Then I went to the pool.
Surely that is not a crime!
I did a canonball.
$50 fine.

I went back to my condo
Without a freaking dime.
I hung my towel over the fence.
$50 fine.

I walked to a restaurant
In order to dine.
When I got back I was too loud.
$50 fine.

So when you go on vacation,
Save yourself some time.
Pay attention so you don't get
A $50 fine.

~Sean Paul

About Last Night...

So I got way too drunk last night. I took about three too many shots of tequila. It was a lot of fun, but it was also the drunkest I've ever been. I wrote Andrew a love note apparently that was very strange. I don't remember that part. And I put on a Batman mask. I had a bit of a headache this morning, but it really wasn't too bad.

So we went to San Diego today and toured the U.S.S. Midway Museum, which was an aircraft carrier from the WWII era. It was cool. That was the second time I've been. Andrew and I went about two years ago in December. It was a lot of fun.

It's amazing. I was walking around a big city in California today, and the weather was fine, people were walking around like everything was normal, even though PROP 8 WAS OVERTURNED!!! I couldn't believe it! Life went on after all, even though gay people can get married again (soon). It wasn't the end of the world or our species! I was so amazed! It was craziness. People didn't seem to care that much. It's like it doesn't really matter after all. Who'd have thought?

We go back home tomorrow, stopping in Vegas overnight. I am kind of excited to get home. Now that I have finished my Senior Honors Thesis, I am ready to start on my book that I have been wanting to start writing for months. I am not going to say too much about what it is about right now, but I will say that I need to interview people who are young, gay or bi, and former Mormons. If anyone knows someone who fits the bill, give them my e-mail address please (sean.paul42@gmail.com) and tell them to send me a message if they are interested. I need upwards of 20 people to interview. It's going to be a lot of fun working on this project. I can't wait.

Dear Voters for, Donators to, and Supporters of Prop 8,

Here is why you lost: Other people's marriage is none of your goddamn business.

I don't expect a lot of pro-Prop 8ers to read this blog, but if you do, this concise blog entry will tell you exactly why your silly little proposition got overruled by a federal court yesterday.

I can't believe it.  I was reading the news this morning on my Android, and the media is quoting Judge Vaughn Walker when he says in his ruling,

"Proposition 8 does not affect the First Amendment rights of those opposed to marriage for same-sex couples.  Prior to Proposition 8, no religious group was required to recognize marriage for same-sex couples...[A]ffording same-sex couples the opportunity to obtain the designation of marriage will not impinge upon the religious freedom of any religious organization, official, or any other person; no religion will be required to change its religious policies or practices with regard to same-sex couples, and no religious officiant will be required to solemnize a marriage in contravention of his or her religious beliefs...A PRIVATE MORAL VIEW THAT SAME-SEX COUPLES ARE INFERIOR TO OPPOSITE-SEX COUPLES IS NOT A PROPER BASIS FOR LEGISLATION...California's obligation is to treat its citizens equally, not to mandate [its] own moral code."

Basically, Judge Walker says that even if you are opposed to same-sex marriage, that is "none of your business.  It doesn't have anything to do with you."  He says two things I have been saying for years: one, if you don't want a gay marriage, DON'T FREAKING GET ONE!!!  And leave the rest of us alone who DO want to have a same-sex marriage.  And two, no church will EVER be required to officiate any wedding they choose not to.  They're not going to force churches to perform same-sex marriages.  That is bald-faced, lying propaganda put forth by the anti-gay marriage people.

But then USA Today has the audacity to go on and ask its viewers,

"What do you think of Walker's view that gay marriage does no harm to the lives and rights of those who believe in traditional man-woman marriage?  How does gay marriage affect your religious or moral life?"

I can answer that question for all Americans right now: IT FREAKING DOESN'T!!!  If you feel like your religious or moral life is affected by gay marriage, then you are WAY too obsessed with other people's lives and you need to focus more on your own life and marriage (if you are in one).  Maybe you're gay yourself or you are just curious if you are that obsessed.

So Prop 8 people, that is why you lost.  Your defense in the federal trial failed to show any evidence that same-sex marriage would be harmful to California, to other marriages, to children, or to society in general.  You want to know why?  It wasn't because your legal team was substandard.  Just like the opponents, they had a sharp legal team.  The reason is that there ISN'T any harm to California, to other marriages, to children, or to society in general.  The opponents brought forth expert witness after expert witness who proved that irrefutably.

You can't put a matter of civil rights to a popular vote, deny a minority equal rights using the democratic process, and expect to win in the long run.  It isn't right, and even if you don't know it yet, your children and grandchildren certainly will.  Let us live our lives and we'll let you live yours.

You lost, we will be able to get married soon, get freaking over it already.

Sincerely,

Sean Paul

My Day

To let you know what my last 24 hours have been like, I have to talk about Facebook, which these days consumes at least half my life.  So last night at about 8:30 PM Pacific Time, I made two posts on my FB wall that I had no idea would attract the attention of 50+ comments, many of them ESSAY LENGTH, within the space of less than 24 hours.  Here is what I said:

Sean Paul cannot believe what Andrew Pugno, a lawyer for Protect Marriage, said in an interview with CNN: "Seven million Californians voted to preserve or restore what marriage has meant since the beginning of time. If they're not permitted to do something as basic as that, then there's something, really something, wrong with our system."  First of all, this guy is ignorant, because he clearly has no clue that marriage is an evolving institution. Second, he is a #@$%@#%@ (insert your favorite bad word here), because he's basically saying that Californians have a right to be prejudiced and discriminate against minorities, and if they can't do that, there's something very wrong with the system. Some people are so stupid.

If you want to see all the comments, please go to my Facebook page or use this link: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641201194&v=wall&story_fbid=140058786027913

And while this unprecedented debate was raging on my Facebook wall, Judge Vaughn Walker was issuing his ruling in the Proposition 8 trial, ruling that it was unconstitutional.  Fortunately, my partner of almost six years, Andrew, and I are down in Southern California right now and could have gotten married if the decision were put into effect immediately, but it wasn't, so we can't get married, unfortunately.  Yet.  It is, after all, only a matter of time.  This ruling could very well be the turning point in the battle over same-sex  marriage in the United States.

I was also heartened by President Barack Obama's words of support on the ruling.  His representative said: “The President has spoken out in opposition to Proposition 8 because it is divisive and discriminatory. He will continue to promote equality for LGBT Americans.”

I am feeling more patriotic today than I have in a while.  I am proud to be an American, where we occasionally fuck up, but we at least try to fix things that are clearly wrong.  Happy Birthday to Barack, and thank you for his kind words of support.