I'm in a prose mood today.
My primary New Year's resolution was to be more honest about my feelings, with myself and everyone else (as appropriate). I think I have finally healed to a point where I can talk about my feelings without it really bothering me.
Over the past three months, I have experienced more emotional pain and growth than I have during any similar period of time in my life. I have learned to recognize how strong I can be, as well as my weaknessnes. The life experience I have gained by ending a long term relationship is something I now hold priceless. Everything considered, I have no regrets.
My life led me down the path I have walked, and I firmly believe everything that I have experienced has happened for a reason. I am so much more grown up now than I was, more independent, and I feel more alive than I have in a long time.
While I don't yet completely understand the overall picture of my former relationship, or why it ended the way it did, I do understand now that I really was far too young to get so seriously involved with someone when I did. It is the curse of being as ambitious as I am. It is also something I know I will struggle with in the future.
At the moment I am struggling to breathe and not do anything too quickly. Right now I really just want to have fun and experience life. While I definitely do want another relationship at some point (and let's face it, knowing myself as I do, it will probably happen sooner than I think), I have no immediate plans to develop one.
One of the biggest (and hardest) lessons I have learned from this experience is that there is nothing more important than being able to forgive oneself and others. Right now I am trying very hard to allow myself to be forgiven. As far as others, that might take a while longer. But I am trying my best now to develop a sense of self respect that I has been missing from my life for a long time, and I have to say that I am making some good progress.
Right now my future looks so bright and hopeful and I am very excited to see where life will take me next.
Oh, and by the way, my weekend was amazing. I live for my weekends. :)
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