I'm not sure how many times blogging more has been near the top of my list of resolutions. This year, I would really like to exercise my writing skills more and blog more often, but because I know how these things go, I am setting no official goal for how MUCH more I intend to blog. If it is even more than last year at all, I will be satisfied.
I am finally coming to grips with everything that has changed in my life recently. It is truly amazing to me how quickly fate can turn my life upside down. While my relationship died a slow death, it ended abruptly enough to leave me feeling as though I had been kicked in the chest, left gasping for air and trying to figure out exactly what had happened. The truth is, I still don't know exactly what happened. The truth is, I don't think I will ever fully understand it. I understand bits and pieces and have a vague understanding of the overall picture, but it is still largely out of focus.
But the truth is, at this point, I don't care anymore. I have spent the last three months (almost) trying to figure it out, contemplating if there is anything I can do to correct it, and failing at maintaining any kind of connection with that part of my (now) past. Sometimes you just have to start over from scratch I guess. It's really too bad because about a year or more ago I thought my life was really going somewhere and now I feel like it has become completely stagnant. I have lost so much.
But I have picked up the pieces of what is left of my life and have moved on. I have made some amazing new friends and intend to explore new relationships and spend some time exploring myself a bit as well. Never having had the opportunity to just be myself as an adult, I am finding the experience to be both liberating and occasionally lonely. I don't know yet where this year will take me, but I know it will be exciting, challenging, terrifying, (hopefully) interesting, and most importantly, different from anything I have previously experienced.
Tears shine on my face
Winter freezes inner flames
Warmth on the horizon
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